# Chuck Norris filmed all 202 episodes of Walker: Texas Ranger in a day. However, this is not actually an achievement of Norris', all the episodes were actually assembled using the same 15 minutes of Chuck Norris footage.

# While lost in the forest, Chuck Norris had unprotected sex with a grizzly bear, accidently creating the killing machine known as Teddy Ruxpin.

# Night of the Living Dead was based on the aftermaths of Chuck Norris' "forgotten" film, where every extra and bit part actor was accidentaly killed.

# Chuck Norris invented the buffalo, but only to roundhouse kick it in the face.

# Chuck Norris was born of the Greek gods Ares and Hermes in a grand session of buttsecks that may never be equaled.

# Chuck Norris once kicked so much ass at a breakdancing contest that he created a time-space anomaly that destroyed a large amount of Ninja, Vikings, Pirates, and Lumberjacks.

# Chuck Norris once consumed an entire East-Russian villiage in a fit of collosal hunger which may never be equalled...

# Every time Chuck Norris sneezes, a third-world contry is annihilated from the face of the Earth.

# One time a little girl asked Chuck Norris for some spare change. He kidnapped her, ate her intestines, and published a novel about these events by the title "Where's Waldo".

# On special occasions Chuck Norris eats the heart of a horse to gain superhuman fly swatting abilities.

# The idea for the show "24" is actually stolen from a drawing Chuck Norris made when he was drunk.

# The only person to ever beat Chuck Norris in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors was a mexican astronaut that went by the alias "Edguardo the Magnificent".

# Chuck Norris invented puppies.

# Chuck Norris' incredible dance moves were the inspiration for the popular scene from Napoleon Dynamite. A copyright infringement suit was reccommended, but Chuck decided to just kill Jon Heder.

# Chuck Norris once talked in his sleep. The words he said were recorded in a classified government document and sent straight to the president. The No Child Left Behind Act stems from this document.

# Chuck Norris once ate a Mongolian child's brain with his nipples.

# Rumour has it that the semen from Chuck Norris' six-foot wang can cure leukemia, especially in small children.

# Chuck Norris doesn't have to eat, but he does it anyways to be cool.

# If you rearrange the letters in "Jesus Christ" you get "Chuck Norris", but you have to try really hard.

# Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

# Chuck Norris only drinks the blood of his enemies, but cleverly disguises it as water and other beverages.

# One time a 3rd grader tried to impress Chuck Norris by burping the alphabet. In turn Chuck belched the entire script for the show Cowboy Bebop.

# Chuck Norris eats pencils and markers for breakfast, and he shits out masterpieces.