Joe took his blind date to the carnival.

"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight
guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and
she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe
again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before,
he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.

"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early,

dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

Girls You Might See in the Restroom

SELFISH GIRL: Enters alone and locks the door, saying to the girls
following that she will be out in a minute. Leisurely pees. Remarks,
adjusts clothes and poses before mirror keeping others squirming outside
for an hour.

TIMID GIRL: Turns on faucet full force. Backs up to toilet, raises
dress and squats quickly. Listens intently to learn if sound other than
faucet can be heard.

CONCEITED GIRL: Approaches toilet with undulating movements. Raises
dress by finger tips. Expression while peeing indicates such a lovely
creature should not be compelled to attend to such lowly duties. Farts
silently and disdainfully.

HARDY GIRL: Raises dress with a whoop. Scuttles across the floor
beating other occupant to toilet. Squats with great force, rattling
windows and causing breasts to bob up and down, hums lively tune, peeing
in squirts to keep time, farts loudly and with great glee.

DRUNKEN GIRL: Wobbles to toilet. After several attempts manages to
raise dress. Squats on toilet with shrieks of laughter. Pees for a
while, singing happy songs, suddenly starts to sob broken heartedly as
she realizes that she forgot to pull down her panties. Continues peeing
and sobbing.

SLOPPY GIRL: Slip drops into toilet while squatting, never uses toilet
paper. Drags her business across the seat, getting seat wet. Never
flushes toilet. Emerges with back of skirt caught in her panties.

WORRIED GIRL: Squats thoughtfully, counting days overdue on fingers.
Uses toilet paper and examines it carefully and hopefully. Peers into
toilet before flushing, resolving never to go to bed drunk again.

THE I DON'T CARE GIRL: Just squats and fires away.

STUBBORN GIRL: Believes all public places are contaminated. Stands
three feet in front of toilet, backs up, takes careful aim and fires
away, always misses, but will try again.

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's
personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately,
they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky
taste; knows exactly what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her,> if she is interested,
she'll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine - (does not include White Zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings
with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has
no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is.... this should be an
easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get
totally drunk...... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this
evening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her
mad!

Then there is the MALE addendum. The deal with guys is, as always, very
simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated
image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a hoot about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay.

A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to SCORE! And to do that,
you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your date
later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls
go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!"

So, he showed up with flowers AND chocolates.

She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long,
passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her
fingers through his hair ... hoping to give him the best kiss that he
had ever received.

After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.

"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away."

"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to get you some jewelry!"

Three professors had walked down to the train station from the University.
They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart.
After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard.
The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Don't feel bad, atleast two out of three of you made it.
' 'True…', sighed the professor, 'But the other two were only here to see me off!