Joe took his blind date to the carnival.

"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight
guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and
she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe
again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before,
he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.

"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early,

dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her
wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and
asked, 'Honey, do you remember this?'

He looked up from his newspaper and said; 'Yes dear, I do. You wore that
same negligee the night we were married'

She said, 'Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that
night?'

He nodded and said 'Yes dear, that night I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck
the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.'

She giggled and said; 'That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years
later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?'

He looked her up and down and said; 'Mission Accomplished.'

A husband and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.
"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.
"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"
"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."

How are men and parking spaces alike?
The good ones are always taken and the free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.